(我的花)
(镜花水月)
Dear warm kind eyes,
The longing nostalgia, yet factually foreign yearning, both hugs and tears me at the same time; as reality is as lonely as uncertainty’s gravity.
It sucks me into an isolation, a pair of black holes, whose ending follows only upon the epilogue of my death.
But how can I let go, when I still hope for its fruition?
But this hope, o isolated seawall, am I simply hearing the wistful echoes of my heart?
Fear and anger plague me — for the little girl whom wishes to stay.
As I whisper, my narrative echoes into a song, but one whose chorus can only be arranged upon meeting a threshold of narrative completion.
But though I try to comprehend, how can I arrange the peaks whilst the story still continues?
Will this story ever end? Or has it yet to begin?
(2019) Serendipitous Blue
For my dream of building a stable and happy home life, a strong foundation by which all my other dreams can be subsequently built upon.
However, prior to being able to live in and share this happiness with another, a vital prerequisite of this dream is one’s ability to create and maintain a sustainable threshold of happiness for the self first, independent and irrespective of anyone else. This factor of conditionality therefore facilitates one’s journey towards being able to create a relationship of trust within the self first, subsequently enabling oneself to fall in love with another without losing themselves in the process. Given the condition of the self-sustaining individual, that said individual can now hold love for another from a place of emotional surplus instead of from a place of deficiency in the self, which consequently enables that individual to love another unconditionally, because what else can you do but to fall in love when you find something(one) so beautiful? Given this, maybe the true indicator of one’s relationship with the self is their ability to love another unconditionally, irrespective of themselves.
[我的愛] to love.
To love is to experience the surplus beauty of what you find beautiful in this world; in reference to what is not necessarily required for survival, but can for sure help in making life more pleasant and endurable along the way. It would therefore be a shame to prevent yourself from loving something (anything), as that would prevent you from being able to fully enjoy the things that you find beautiful in this ugly yet beautiful world. Given this, it is important to not be judgmental of your own love, and to be proud of what you find beautiful in this world instead. This will therefore enable you to find beauty in yourself as well, as the only one who can see the beauty that you perceive in this world is you (to fall in love with the way by which you experience the same yet different world).
However, while love is beautiful, love is not ‘happiness’. Love in its full spectrum and depth also comes with heart-wrenching loneliness, yearning, and pain. However, isn’t that what makes the notion of love so powerful? — the fact that it engages with the full spectrum of human emotions. In reflection, love in isolation is not love; or else, it would just be called that individualistic emotion instead of ‘love’. For me, maybe that is why I associate love with the concept of ‘home’ — because when I finally accepted and acknowledged the existence of my own love, that was when I finally felt safe and at home in myself; a sacred place where I feel safe enough to listen to, and subsequently honor, even the most quietest whispers of my heart (because my heart doesn’t need to scream for it to be heard).)
Dear 사랑하는 돌멩이,
Thank you for teaching me how to love. Through you, I was able to learn about the particular facets of life that I find beautiful and appreciate in this world, and as a result, I came to better understand the consequent beauty and existence of me as well (given the beauty of my experience, emotions, and feelings towards you). Through you, I came to learn about how I love, what I love, and the simple fact that I can love; and through you, I had the courage to feel and experience more of myself as well (my love). For that, I will be forever and eternally grateful, because along the long and arduous path to you, I came to meet and fall in love with myself.
Thank you for existing, for being born, and for existing in my life (as you are).
(May 2026) My beloved rock(star)
The flower always thought of itself as being alone and unseen, blooming to and within its feelings of love behind the shadows of the rock, whilst holding onto its dreams of a life amongst the stars. In embrace of her yearnings for a home that didn’t yet exist, the flower wandered endlessly, accompanied by only herself and a little girl, one whose whispers flowed like a song as it guided her towards her dreams of heartfelt rest.
However, as she ventured further on her path, the girl realized she was in fact being protected by the rock, as the flower would have undoubtedly been washed away by the rain had it not been for the buffering shield of the stone. Although the rock became the source of her yearnings, it also acted as the catalyst of her dreams, and it provided the flower with the adequate time, space, and energy to learn how to choose, and subsequently love, herself — an initiation into her own love, in her own time, steadily unrushed. Eventually, the flower learnt to receive as both the sender and recipient of her own love, and throughout her years of gentle blooming, this was only made possible given the honest and vulnerable opening of her own heart (to herself).)
Musical Accompaniment(s)
• [中島 美嘉] 桜色舞うころ
• [宇多田ヒカル] 桜流し
• [アオイエマ。] 想い咲く時
• [梅艷芳] 女人花